Next time we goin' east side. East side. I heard. I'm gettin' squeezed she said, I mean...he said...to her, and she didn't really get it. Well, that's what she gets - he said. Later on, when the candle ran out but the track had plenty left, I left - cuz I was gettin' squeezed from both sides. And each time, I turned to my side - tried to create a little friction, you feel me? I asked. She rubbed my side - tried to create a little friction. She asked, did you hear me? I heard. Next time, east side.
I really am gettin' squeezed though...it's tough to get up. Mornings are hard. Evenings ain't much better. Two sides meet, get the job done. In a manner of speech, of childish dreams obliterated, the side of my head - tryin' to create a little friction - is my heart made of stone? Hand me a saw, it'll get the job done.
So there I was hangin' tight on the handles beside the open sliding doors. A pill dropped from my mouth and fell 18,000 feet onto the desert floor. Against everything I knew, I thought about jumping. The thought, crossed my mind, it took a while. It came in from my left ear actually, and it juked for a while. And for a while, I stood there bracing myself with both arms outstretched - no intention of jumping.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
From Whitestone Road
Santa Anna's guilt leather black beard mausoleum.
Brothers' town pocket dragged'n'bound forgotten trust.
Oklahoma baby bridge yellow painting hanging.
Your mother's cuffs slip fall slowly beneath pipes.
Friends seeping dream under Angie Beck neck pain.
Reading olive frustration tomorrow account low.
Payment canyon carrot stars above the campsite.
Mesquite road abbreviation tearful lake fire.
Santa Anna's golden hair, a campfire backpack ridge.
Brother carefully limns; watched forever.
Oklahoma museum tickets airport architecture.
Your mom's quiet march through the church.
Friendly exchanges for now slip, chuckle, pop.
Reading peacefully until a thought rises.
Payment unnecessary she told me, kneeling.
Mesquite brush can't light up - no moon.
Santa Anna, like the morning's last dream (for once!).
Brother like the blood we share, bones and clothes.
Oklahoma at night stirs us up - twists and churns.
Your mom wore a pin to the demonstration.
Friendly bets about the depressing occasion.
Reading stopped and the pig's snout crumbled.
Pay as you play but play all you want.
Mesquite highway burial, the lights and the bridge, the snares and the sounds after. The ghosts in the breeze held tight against the wind. Two figures moved up the line and the moon stayed behind the one cloud in the sky, and I thought to my brother, "how did we end up here?" And he thought back, "we're standing still." So I addressed the situation 42 Whitestone Road: "ha-d'ya mean it cheerp?" I had never heard this accent before so I had to ask for another swig of it. "Kai get anoffer?" and kind of raised my bottom lip a touch. "Ayyh"
Sigh, of course, I couldn't hear anything over the roar of the CHP choppers. I know, I should've given you that information up front. Sometimes I get all clandestine on ya. Oooh, shady like a how-does it sound? I stood quietly because I wanted the moment to last. I expected it would - "much obliged" I muttered, "much obliged." I thought of these things and I thought how weird stuff feels.
Something's so easy about the oldern days. It's as if they weighed so little and there were no hardships, right Peter P.? I missed that decade and now the days are porky messes, spooky bass notes all the way down in the scales at the end of the piano where I let my cousin sit and see the crumbs under the keys, and inside: God's light. Inside: it was cold but verdant, the opposite of temperature, colored green and alluding unequivocally to Fridays when I wore shorts out in the blustery evening air. These precautions are for you own good, everyone yelled. Everyone's always yelling and if they're not than I am on the inside.
"Me and Frankie, livin' and drinkin', nothin' feels better than blood on blood.
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria, as the band played Night of the Johnstown Flood."
Brothers' town pocket dragged'n'bound forgotten trust.
Oklahoma baby bridge yellow painting hanging.
Your mother's cuffs slip fall slowly beneath pipes.
Friends seeping dream under Angie Beck neck pain.
Reading olive frustration tomorrow account low.
Payment canyon carrot stars above the campsite.
Mesquite road abbreviation tearful lake fire.
Santa Anna's golden hair, a campfire backpack ridge.
Brother carefully limns; watched forever.
Oklahoma museum tickets airport architecture.
Your mom's quiet march through the church.
Friendly exchanges for now slip, chuckle, pop.
Reading peacefully until a thought rises.
Payment unnecessary she told me, kneeling.
Mesquite brush can't light up - no moon.
Santa Anna, like the morning's last dream (for once!).
Brother like the blood we share, bones and clothes.
Oklahoma at night stirs us up - twists and churns.
Your mom wore a pin to the demonstration.
Friendly bets about the depressing occasion.
Reading stopped and the pig's snout crumbled.
Pay as you play but play all you want.
Mesquite highway burial, the lights and the bridge, the snares and the sounds after. The ghosts in the breeze held tight against the wind. Two figures moved up the line and the moon stayed behind the one cloud in the sky, and I thought to my brother, "how did we end up here?" And he thought back, "we're standing still." So I addressed the situation 42 Whitestone Road: "ha-d'ya mean it cheerp?" I had never heard this accent before so I had to ask for another swig of it. "Kai get anoffer?" and kind of raised my bottom lip a touch. "Ayyh"
Sigh, of course, I couldn't hear anything over the roar of the CHP choppers. I know, I should've given you that information up front. Sometimes I get all clandestine on ya. Oooh, shady like a how-does it sound? I stood quietly because I wanted the moment to last. I expected it would - "much obliged" I muttered, "much obliged." I thought of these things and I thought how weird stuff feels.
Something's so easy about the oldern days. It's as if they weighed so little and there were no hardships, right Peter P.? I missed that decade and now the days are porky messes, spooky bass notes all the way down in the scales at the end of the piano where I let my cousin sit and see the crumbs under the keys, and inside: God's light. Inside: it was cold but verdant, the opposite of temperature, colored green and alluding unequivocally to Fridays when I wore shorts out in the blustery evening air. These precautions are for you own good, everyone yelled. Everyone's always yelling and if they're not than I am on the inside.
"Me and Frankie, livin' and drinkin', nothin' feels better than blood on blood.
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria, as the band played Night of the Johnstown Flood."
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
No Flowers
I would like the cross-section of a piece of Sicilian Easter pie, taganu d'aragona, as a tattoo on my arm, and I'd like to have a stained old piece of parchment paper with the recipe. When I make mini-quartered ones to test it out next spring, I'm going to substitute a (slightly) more common sheep's milk cheese, like caciocavallo. I'm sure I'll make the meatballs too tough, so I'll try not to. I'm probably going to use ditali instead of rigatoni because I'd rather fall from a green awning on a quaint little cobblestone sidestreet trying to fix a gutter. The ice from the winter made it that way, screamed an old aunt. Everyone rushed around holding towels. Rosa knocked over a wooden chair as she lunged for a box of bandages. A few jars of lentils spilled out onto the floor. One of them fell off the table and shattered. All the men tried to straighten me out on the ground, it made sense I guess.
I had broken my neck though, so in some ways bandages and a makeshift gurney really didn't help. All the blood from my heart gushed into places blood doesn't belong in the human neck because a couple vertebrae had punctured a major artery and tore half a dozen muscles and fat tissue. I coughed and squirmed unconsciously, and my blood started to trickle onto the street. At first it filed dutifully around each stone in the recessed paths that outline each stone. After a few seconds the blood poured over onto the (mostly) smooth surface of the cobblestones. I have B negative blood, and I don't recall but I don't think blood type affects the color of blood, it's probably all the oxyhemoglobularization and whatnot.
My brain let me think of a few things as I lay there about to die. For one, it let me think about the situation, which I quickly accessed as quite bad. Under less severe circumstances, I think the pain and the realization would've knocked me out or caused me to lose control of my bladder. But this was a difficult time. I had about twenty seconds of thoughts before I passed. As I mentioned, I spent the first twelve seconds panicking about all the blood and the frantic people and the feeling of complete detachment from everything below my chin. In retrospect it was foolish to spend 60% of the rest of my life worrying about dying. I mean I think 10-15% would've been a more reasonable portion.
That way, I could've used nine whole seconds thinking about [my most basic pleasures: soup, egg sandwiches, listening to loud music, gingerbread lattes, relaxing with [the golden girl of my dreams], etc.]. Then! I could've used about three seconds to think about things I've never done, like climb Mt. Everest, watch Star Wars, figure out why people believe that soccer is fun, or take a picture with Bruce/Rafa/Jamie/Dave.
I don't really know how the last five seconds would play out. I don't think you can plan that. My guess would be that I'd think something idiotic like, "hey I never gave so and so a chance." Or, "Rosa is so stupid what is that stupid towel going to do my backbone is sticking out of my shoulder." Or, "Dear God, please send me to heaven even though I [the big sins]."
I'm a big fan of "what went on while" another event happened. I guess it's a little ironic. That presupposes that I would've described something like, ahem, then the blood trickled down the small street in the direction of the coast, where [XX] and [XY] embraced serenely.
I should take this out now. It's almost ready.
I had broken my neck though, so in some ways bandages and a makeshift gurney really didn't help. All the blood from my heart gushed into places blood doesn't belong in the human neck because a couple vertebrae had punctured a major artery and tore half a dozen muscles and fat tissue. I coughed and squirmed unconsciously, and my blood started to trickle onto the street. At first it filed dutifully around each stone in the recessed paths that outline each stone. After a few seconds the blood poured over onto the (mostly) smooth surface of the cobblestones. I have B negative blood, and I don't recall but I don't think blood type affects the color of blood, it's probably all the oxyhemoglobularization and whatnot.
My brain let me think of a few things as I lay there about to die. For one, it let me think about the situation, which I quickly accessed as quite bad. Under less severe circumstances, I think the pain and the realization would've knocked me out or caused me to lose control of my bladder. But this was a difficult time. I had about twenty seconds of thoughts before I passed. As I mentioned, I spent the first twelve seconds panicking about all the blood and the frantic people and the feeling of complete detachment from everything below my chin. In retrospect it was foolish to spend 60% of the rest of my life worrying about dying. I mean I think 10-15% would've been a more reasonable portion.
That way, I could've used nine whole seconds thinking about [my most basic pleasures: soup, egg sandwiches, listening to loud music, gingerbread lattes, relaxing with [the golden girl of my dreams], etc.]. Then! I could've used about three seconds to think about things I've never done, like climb Mt. Everest, watch Star Wars, figure out why people believe that soccer is fun, or take a picture with Bruce/Rafa/Jamie/Dave.
I don't really know how the last five seconds would play out. I don't think you can plan that. My guess would be that I'd think something idiotic like, "hey I never gave so and so a chance." Or, "Rosa is so stupid what is that stupid towel going to do my backbone is sticking out of my shoulder." Or, "Dear God, please send me to heaven even though I [the big sins]."
I'm a big fan of "what went on while" another event happened. I guess it's a little ironic. That presupposes that I would've described something like, ahem, then the blood trickled down the small street in the direction of the coast, where [XX] and [XY] embraced serenely.
I should take this out now. It's almost ready.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Alert! New and Full of Intrigue
So there they was. They sat and laughed and made blow-up noises. And little tires screeched and glorious people operated machinery and we laughed so heartily. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, even though I laughed harder when I recollected all the jokes. And I thought, "This is a daydream."
So the man with the plan said to me, "listen, man. You gotta keep walkin, keep movin' on and on and along." A wind like none other filtered through my decrepit little screen and brushed my stubble and I thought, "this is a fantasy." A wind like no other said, "you did that last time and look where you ended up."
And I thought, "this is rich. Now I'm walkin'." I walked past a few stores that didn't have anything in stock that I would buy. They had plastic brooms and these tall plastic buckets of cleaning brushes. I saw a girl wearing a short skirt on the corner and sneakers on her feet. What a deal! So I thought, "I need to get my things organized."
So the man with the plan said to me, "listen, man. You gotta keep walkin, keep movin' on and on and along." A wind like none other filtered through my decrepit little screen and brushed my stubble and I thought, "this is a fantasy." A wind like no other said, "you did that last time and look where you ended up."
And I thought, "this is rich. Now I'm walkin'." I walked past a few stores that didn't have anything in stock that I would buy. They had plastic brooms and these tall plastic buckets of cleaning brushes. I saw a girl wearing a short skirt on the corner and sneakers on her feet. What a deal! So I thought, "I need to get my things organized."
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