Monday, March 6, 2006

Jones Blue Soda

It seems the best way to prevent a bubble from bursting is by stroking its fragile edges as it inflates. Everyone remembers being like five years old and correcting ill-advised sticker placement. You know, you scrape at one of the corners (clearly circular stickers are more difficult) until enough adhesive is disturbed, providing a brief, crucial opportunity for the index finger to slide underneath Spiderman's foot and making room for the thumbgrip. Once you get that thumb involved, you know you can't just rip poor Spidey off the surface, you need to do it slowly, intensely, passionately. You knew if you didn't slow down in the right spots you'd get skid marks - and project would be over (or not really over because later in life you learn that those little razors work wonders, as does repetitively patting leftovers with additional adhesive.)
Anyway if this same care isn't taken in foreshadowing the burst of a bubble, in magazine cover stories, talking head ramblings, intranet video feeds, and low-level discussion circles, you will leave skid marks. You will get exactly what you've feared.

And unlike Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, you only need this one level of reverse rationalization to successfully prevent a bubble-burst. Now, if you half-ass it, if you don't give it prominent placement, if you don't whisper sweet Counting Crows lyrics to the bubble as you're calming it down, harnessing its growth, massaging its imperfections - it'll still pop and you will have wasted your time outside the bubble.

So either get your ass inside the bubble and hope someone else takes care of the aforementioned duties long enough for your survival, or be proactive and care for that shit - because the government devotes $80 billion a year to bubbleblowing.